Monday, December 16, 2013
My Outlet
So, I just wanted to check in because I know my last entry sounded a little dire. I have had a lot of friends ask me if I am ok after reading it. Yes, I am fine! I'm still mad and frustrated, but I will get over it eventually. One thing that people may not know about me is that writing is my outlet. Some people shop too much (which I can be guilty of, too!), or drink too much, or eat too much, or take their feelings out on others or on themselves. Me, I write about my feelings. I have ever since my dad gave me a little blue diary with a combination lock on it when I was about 12-years-old. I still have that diary, too! I wrote in it from age 12 to 16! Lots happened in my life in those 4 year! Yet, I digress. My point is, when I have strong feelings about something, I tend to need to write about it. I have to give my feelings a voice, so to speak. Most of the time, once I can get my thoughts and emotions on paper, I can then move past them. That was the point of my last post, really. Just to dump all of those icky feelings somewhere so that I wouldn't have to walk around feeling them anymore and begin the process of moving forward. So, as I said before, I am fine. I am enjoying my family, preparing for Christmas, and just enjoying my life where I am at the moment.
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Fake it 'til you make it...
Yes, I know I have not written here in a while. Partly because I have been super busy with my little photography business, partly because I was wrapped up in what was apparently a fantasy (looking to buy a new house), and partly because I just haven't been in a good place. I really don't want to come here and whine and complain. I really don't want to spout off all of the reasons why I am mad at the world. I really don't want to feel the way I have been feeling. Yet, here I am, feeling angry, sad, and in a dark place. I'm trying really hard to "fake it 'til I make it", but it's hard. I don't want to seem ungrateful, I don't. But, truth be told, I probably am. I know I have it good. I have what should be a happy little life. But, I'm not happy. I'm just not. I'm trying very hard to be. And I will keep trying. That's all I got.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
I Am Mine
I know this is supposed to be a Workout Wednesday post, but I was lazy and didn't work out today. In fact, I haven't worked out in a week, oops! Life seems crazy busy between getting the girls off to school, to and from their activities, preparing meals, helping with homework, volunteering in classrooms, running a small side business, etc., etc. It is difficult to find the time, not to mention the energy, for working out! I know, I know, that's not really an excuse, and I know I need to be better about making the time for my workouts. I will, I promise. Just as soon as I can figure out how to manage my time a bit better!
I actually wanted to stop in and write about something else this evening, though. Have you ever felt like you have to apologize for something you believe in, for something that you love, or for simply being you? I am wondering if this is something that women alone battle with, or if men feel it too, or maybe it's just me? Surely I can't be the only one. I think feeling this way, feeling that it's not ok to be who I am, comes from a lack of confidence in myself. I definitely felt this way within my family. I felt like my thoughts and feelings were invalid, annoying, troublesome to others, and basically just not ok. So, of course, I learned not to share these thoughts and feelings and I learned to feel like how I felt, who I was, was not ok. This feeling has stayed with me, even into adulthood. Although it has lessened a great deal, the feeling of being not ok definitely creeps in from time to time. If I am honest, it usually occurs when I get into an argument with someone in my family. When I become angry or upset about something and I voice my concerns, they are usually met with anger, frustration, and what feels like a lack of understanding for my stance on the issue. I guess all of this is very normal when conflict arises between people, but maybe feeling like you need to apologize for your feelings is not? I really don't know. That's why I am writing about this, to see if I am alone in feeling this way or if others have also experienced these feelings.
I know I have written about my experience with seeing a therapist and this process has definitely helped me become a more confident person. Along with this confidence, I am learning to embrace who I am and to be ok with that. I no longer feel the need to apologize for my thoughts, my feelings, or for being who I am. Of course, this doesn't mean that I won't take responsibility for when I do something wrong or hurt someone's feelings, but I won't apologize for being me.
I can sometimes be lazy.
I often procrastinate.
I am sensitive and sometimes my feelings get easily hurt.
I am a recovering perfectionist.
I am spiritual, but not religious and not sure I believe in God.
I do have a temper if pushed too far.
I have high expectations for myself and for others.
I hold grudges for far too long.
I sometimes have a hard time expressing love and gratitude.
I often focus on the negative and have difficulty seeing the positive.
These are all parts of myself that I no longer wish to apologize for. Other people in my life have their idiosyncrasies and I don't see them feeling bad about it. To the contrary, it feels as though I am expected to change something about myself in order to better conform to their idiosyncrasies. Well, I am here to say NO MORE! I will no longer bend to this feeling, this feeling of not being enough just the way I am. If someone in my life has an issue with that, that is on you. This is me, the true and real me. I can't be the person that you think or wish I would be. I can only be me and I think that is more than enough.
I actually wanted to stop in and write about something else this evening, though. Have you ever felt like you have to apologize for something you believe in, for something that you love, or for simply being you? I am wondering if this is something that women alone battle with, or if men feel it too, or maybe it's just me? Surely I can't be the only one. I think feeling this way, feeling that it's not ok to be who I am, comes from a lack of confidence in myself. I definitely felt this way within my family. I felt like my thoughts and feelings were invalid, annoying, troublesome to others, and basically just not ok. So, of course, I learned not to share these thoughts and feelings and I learned to feel like how I felt, who I was, was not ok. This feeling has stayed with me, even into adulthood. Although it has lessened a great deal, the feeling of being not ok definitely creeps in from time to time. If I am honest, it usually occurs when I get into an argument with someone in my family. When I become angry or upset about something and I voice my concerns, they are usually met with anger, frustration, and what feels like a lack of understanding for my stance on the issue. I guess all of this is very normal when conflict arises between people, but maybe feeling like you need to apologize for your feelings is not? I really don't know. That's why I am writing about this, to see if I am alone in feeling this way or if others have also experienced these feelings.
I know I have written about my experience with seeing a therapist and this process has definitely helped me become a more confident person. Along with this confidence, I am learning to embrace who I am and to be ok with that. I no longer feel the need to apologize for my thoughts, my feelings, or for being who I am. Of course, this doesn't mean that I won't take responsibility for when I do something wrong or hurt someone's feelings, but I won't apologize for being me.
I can sometimes be lazy.
I often procrastinate.
I am sensitive and sometimes my feelings get easily hurt.
I am a recovering perfectionist.
I am spiritual, but not religious and not sure I believe in God.
I do have a temper if pushed too far.
I have high expectations for myself and for others.
I hold grudges for far too long.
I sometimes have a hard time expressing love and gratitude.
I often focus on the negative and have difficulty seeing the positive.
These are all parts of myself that I no longer wish to apologize for. Other people in my life have their idiosyncrasies and I don't see them feeling bad about it. To the contrary, it feels as though I am expected to change something about myself in order to better conform to their idiosyncrasies. Well, I am here to say NO MORE! I will no longer bend to this feeling, this feeling of not being enough just the way I am. If someone in my life has an issue with that, that is on you. This is me, the true and real me. I can't be the person that you think or wish I would be. I can only be me and I think that is more than enough.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Workout Wednesday
It is Wednesday again. Last Wednesday I neglected to write on the blog. As I said before, I was obsessed with cleaning and organizing my house for the realtor's visit. But, my head is back in the game now, so I thought I would update on my workout progress. I went to my first Barre Fit class last week and it was so much fun! I really liked it! Barre Fit is essentially doing ballet inspired warm ups at the ballet barre. The class begins with stretching, then some floor exercises similar to pilates, and then work at the barre. It is a great workout! My legs feel like wet noodles for a while after class! I went to the class again today, too. I thought I would be super sore for days afterward, but I didn't feel too badly, actually. My goal is to try the adult jazz dance class next. It is on Thursday evenings, so depending on when Jason can make it home, I hope to try it tomorrow night. I used to love to dance, so I can't wait to check out this class. Quite honestly, that is why I chose to do the adult fitness classes at the dance studio as opposed to a gym. I really wanted the opportunity to try out the dance classes. As a teenager I used to love blasting the music in my bedroom and practicing my dance moves in the mirror. At one point in my adolescence I wanted to be a choreographer! I'm definitely not saying I was that good of a dancer by any means! I just loved to dance and it was one of those crazy teen career ideals, ha ha! But, there is an inner dancer in there somewhere, and I am going to give her a chance to shine a little! I will let you all know how it goes!
Unfortunately, other than that first barre fit class and the one today, I haven't worked out at all! It is honestly hard to find the time! There seems to always be something else going on and I just haven't been able to get it together. I am going to try my best to change this. I have also been fighting off a cold, too, so I haven't felt much like working out either. I hope to step it up a little this next week!
Unfortunately, other than that first barre fit class and the one today, I haven't worked out at all! It is honestly hard to find the time! There seems to always be something else going on and I just haven't been able to get it together. I am going to try my best to change this. I have also been fighting off a cold, too, so I haven't felt much like working out either. I hope to step it up a little this next week!
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Random Thoughts
Well, I suck at this blogging thing, huh? I've been thinking about writing, but honestly I have been very busy. Busy with my girls, volunteering in each of their classes, trying to start a consistent work out routine, and lately I have been obsessed with cleaning and organizing my house in preparation for meeting with a realtor so we can discuss putting it on the market. The realtor was supposed to come today, but she had a family emergency and she wasn't able to make it, so we will be meeting with her tomorrow. Fingers crossed all goes well!
I have also been thinking about the whole blog thing a lot. I do love writing, and I love writing knowing that others will read it. However, at the same time I am a private person, and blogging about my life doesn't leave much room for privacy. So, I've been trying to figure out how to have the best of both worlds. Still not quite sure how that's going to work, but I'm workin' it out!
Something I have been doing some thinking about is how to be a more positive person. If you know me in real life, I am sure you have noticed that I'm not the most positive, upbeat person out there. I tend to see the negative in a situation first and focus on that. The silver lining escapes me every single time. I wonder if this is something that is learned, or if this is just a deep seeded part of a person's personality? Or is it just life experience that fogs the lens? Or maybe a combination? I wish I knew the answer to this question. Not that it would really make a difference, I guess. It would still be incredibly difficult to change behaviorally. As far back as I can remember, I have been what my husband likes to call a "Negative Nancy". Of course, this trait only grew worse as I grew older. I have grown painfully aware of this negative trait, especially since it is often pointed out to me by others (and by others, I mean my husband, who by the way, is not Mr. Rose Colored Glasses either). Since seeing a therapist, I have made many changes in my life, and learning to be more positive is one of them. I feel like I was doing better with being more positive there for a while, but the truth is, the negativity has found a way to creep back in. Staying positive and sunny and always upbeat takes a lot of work and, quite frankly, gets a little exhausting after a while. I don't know how all of you positive people do it! If you are a shiny, happy people type of person, please share your secret! Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm down in the dumps all of the time, I am happy a lot of the time. But, the negativity is there, it's always there. I don't want my daughters to be affected in a negative way by this personality trait of mine.
I think this has been on the forefront of my mind lately because we are thinking about and preparing to sell our home. I have been unhappy in our condo for....years.....now. I know it's because I focus on what I don't like about our home instead of focusing on what is good about it. I guess I just don't want to put all of my eggs into the moving-to-a-new-house basket and think that then everything in my life will be perfect and I can finally be happy. I know someone who has thought this many times and moved many times, but guess what? The new house does not solve all of this person's problems. This person is still a Negative Nancy. This person is still unhappy. I don't want to be that person. So, I'm trying to focus on learning to be more positive and more happy, just in the moment, in the everyday, and not make my happiness contingent on where I live or what car I drive or having the newest THING. Life is about so much more than that. It's just that sometimes I forget that and get caught up in the "what isn't right about this picture" way of thinking. Instead I need to look at the picture for what it is and appreciate the beauty that shines through. I'm working on it, I promise.
I have also been thinking about the whole blog thing a lot. I do love writing, and I love writing knowing that others will read it. However, at the same time I am a private person, and blogging about my life doesn't leave much room for privacy. So, I've been trying to figure out how to have the best of both worlds. Still not quite sure how that's going to work, but I'm workin' it out!
Something I have been doing some thinking about is how to be a more positive person. If you know me in real life, I am sure you have noticed that I'm not the most positive, upbeat person out there. I tend to see the negative in a situation first and focus on that. The silver lining escapes me every single time. I wonder if this is something that is learned, or if this is just a deep seeded part of a person's personality? Or is it just life experience that fogs the lens? Or maybe a combination? I wish I knew the answer to this question. Not that it would really make a difference, I guess. It would still be incredibly difficult to change behaviorally. As far back as I can remember, I have been what my husband likes to call a "Negative Nancy". Of course, this trait only grew worse as I grew older. I have grown painfully aware of this negative trait, especially since it is often pointed out to me by others (and by others, I mean my husband, who by the way, is not Mr. Rose Colored Glasses either). Since seeing a therapist, I have made many changes in my life, and learning to be more positive is one of them. I feel like I was doing better with being more positive there for a while, but the truth is, the negativity has found a way to creep back in. Staying positive and sunny and always upbeat takes a lot of work and, quite frankly, gets a little exhausting after a while. I don't know how all of you positive people do it! If you are a shiny, happy people type of person, please share your secret! Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm down in the dumps all of the time, I am happy a lot of the time. But, the negativity is there, it's always there. I don't want my daughters to be affected in a negative way by this personality trait of mine.
I think this has been on the forefront of my mind lately because we are thinking about and preparing to sell our home. I have been unhappy in our condo for....years.....now. I know it's because I focus on what I don't like about our home instead of focusing on what is good about it. I guess I just don't want to put all of my eggs into the moving-to-a-new-house basket and think that then everything in my life will be perfect and I can finally be happy. I know someone who has thought this many times and moved many times, but guess what? The new house does not solve all of this person's problems. This person is still a Negative Nancy. This person is still unhappy. I don't want to be that person. So, I'm trying to focus on learning to be more positive and more happy, just in the moment, in the everyday, and not make my happiness contingent on where I live or what car I drive or having the newest THING. Life is about so much more than that. It's just that sometimes I forget that and get caught up in the "what isn't right about this picture" way of thinking. Instead I need to look at the picture for what it is and appreciate the beauty that shines through. I'm working on it, I promise.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Workout Wednesdays
I have been trying to institute a workout regimen in my life for, like, ever. Seriously, I have never been good at making exercise a priority. I would much rather sit on my butt and watch TV or read or do anything that isn't exercise. My idea of exercise is walking the mall while I shop (and if any of you have shopped with me, you know that I like to shop until I drop! Just ask my girls!). However, I know I need to get serious about working out and making my health one of my top priorities.
Throughout my life I had always been super skinny. Like, seriously skinny, to the point of being made fun of. Which is why working out has never been a priority of mine, it didn't have to be. All you ladies out there who think that being thin is everything, I am here to tell you that really, it's not. Being thin does not make you happy, being thin does not fix all of life's problems, and being thin is not going to make that guy you've had your eye on fall in love with you. I struggled to put weight on as a teenager. With popular songs back in the day like "Baby Got Back" I would have loved to have had at least a few curves! During graduate school, my weight issues got worse due to developing GERD, or acid reflux disease. The stress from grad school really took a toll on me and I suffered greatly from GERD. I could barely eat and I lost quite a bit of weight. I think at my lowest I weighed 108 pounds, which at 5'8", is extremely thin for my body type. I ate TUMS and Zantac like they were candy and eventually went to see a gastroenterologist, which is when I was finally officially diagnosed with GERD. I then was put on Prilosec (this was before you could buy the OTC version). I slowly started to feel better and was able to resume life as normal.
Cut to later, after grad school, when I got pregnant with our first daughter. At this time I was still taking Prilosec, but I switched to OTC Zantac, which was safer during pregnancy. I was so psyched to be pregnant and finally able to pack on some pounds. And I did! Some of the weight stayed on after my pregnancy, which I was happy about, and I was also having significantly less problems with GERD. It seemed that I was finally at a healthy weight and feeling better as well. However, I still wasn't exercising. After the birth of my second daughter, things began to slowly spiral downhill in my life. Actually, it seemed that my life was slowly crumbling and crashing down around me. I suffered from postpartum depression, I was starting to have stomach issues and GERD issues again, my husband and I were having marital issues, and I lost my grandmother, which just added to all of the stress that I was already under. Through the course of all of this.....stuff.....I was not feeling or looking healthy at all. I lost quite a bit of weight, probably about 15 pounds, and the worst thing was I could not eat. I had this awful burning, sick feeling in my stomach all the time. I wanted to eat, but I couldn't most days. I had to force food down. I knew I needed nourishment to be healthy. But, I wasn't feeling healthy at all. I began doing a lot of research on Dr. Google and discovered that the medication I was taking, OTC Prilosec this time, was most likely causing more harm than good. I won't go into details here because it's too much information, but basically the Prilosec was not allowing my body to process and break down food like it is supposed to do. Prilosec shuts down the production of stomach acid, but our bodies have stomach acid for a reason, to break down our food and prepare it's nourishment to be sent out to the rest of our body. After reading this, I began researching more natural ways of dealing with GERD so that I could wean off of the Prilosec. My first step in this process was to see a gastroenterologist again. I had a procedure done, along with a biopsy, and discovered that, along with GERD, I also had gastritis, hence the constant burning sensation in my stomach. I was prescribed Nexium, which I did not want to have to take (it acts the same way on the stomach as Prilosec), but I did take it as prescribed for about 3 months (it is meant to be a medicine used on a short-term basis anyway). I started to feel better, almost immediately. I could actually eat and enjoy food again! At this time, I really got serious about finding a regimen of natural products, vitamins and supplements, to take to help heal my body from the damage of GERD and gastritis while I weaned off of the Nexium (I will discuss this in more detail in a future post as it is too much information to include here and really deserves a post of it's own). I am happy to report, one year later from my last doctor's appointment, that I no longer take Prilosec or Nexium. My GERD is under control naturally, and the gastritis is gone. Also, my goal was to put on weight, so I worked with a nutritionist as well (and had a test run to detect food allergies and sensitivities). In the last year I have put on approximately 25 pounds!!! I am honestly shocked! It makes me wonder just what that medication was doing to my body? Was I getting any nutrients from my food at all during those years on Prilosec? I may never know. I am just glad that I am feeling healthier now.
This brings me back to my original topic of exercise. Now that I have gained 25 pounds, I really need to exercise and tone up a bit (My husband is somewhere cringing right now. He hates when I use the term "tone up". He's a power lifter.). At 136 pounds, I am sure my weight is still within the normal healthy range for my height, and I am happy with how I look and feel at the moment. However, there are a few areas that I would like to improve upon so that I can look and feel my best. Plus, I know that exercise is important to a healthy lifestyle, whether you are happy with your weight or not. Weight fluctuations can sometimes be difficult to deal with, too. For me, as I am sure a lot of women can relate, I feel like I have had several rounds of clothes in varying sizes. I just took some clothing items to a consignment store today that I wore last Fall. They are now too small for me. It can get a little frustrating, not to mention expensive, to have to buy an all new wardrobe! This all brings me to this place. This place of wanting to be healthier, live healthier, and incorporate exercise and healthy eating habits into my everyday life. Hence, Workout Wednesdays on the blog. I am trying to decide my course of action. I really want to check out a dance studio near me that offers adult fitness classes, including jazz, hip hop, zumba, barre fit, yoga, etc. For $99 you can get 3 months of unlimited classes, which sounds like a pretty good deal to me! There is a Barre Fit class tomorrow morning and I am thinking of checking it out. It's always hard to go that first time, by yourself, and not know anything about the class or the people that might be in it. But, that is why I am writing about it here, that way I have at least a little bit of accountability! I will check back and let you know how it goes, if I can get up the courage to go! Wish me luck!
Throughout my life I had always been super skinny. Like, seriously skinny, to the point of being made fun of. Which is why working out has never been a priority of mine, it didn't have to be. All you ladies out there who think that being thin is everything, I am here to tell you that really, it's not. Being thin does not make you happy, being thin does not fix all of life's problems, and being thin is not going to make that guy you've had your eye on fall in love with you. I struggled to put weight on as a teenager. With popular songs back in the day like "Baby Got Back" I would have loved to have had at least a few curves! During graduate school, my weight issues got worse due to developing GERD, or acid reflux disease. The stress from grad school really took a toll on me and I suffered greatly from GERD. I could barely eat and I lost quite a bit of weight. I think at my lowest I weighed 108 pounds, which at 5'8", is extremely thin for my body type. I ate TUMS and Zantac like they were candy and eventually went to see a gastroenterologist, which is when I was finally officially diagnosed with GERD. I then was put on Prilosec (this was before you could buy the OTC version). I slowly started to feel better and was able to resume life as normal.
Cut to later, after grad school, when I got pregnant with our first daughter. At this time I was still taking Prilosec, but I switched to OTC Zantac, which was safer during pregnancy. I was so psyched to be pregnant and finally able to pack on some pounds. And I did! Some of the weight stayed on after my pregnancy, which I was happy about, and I was also having significantly less problems with GERD. It seemed that I was finally at a healthy weight and feeling better as well. However, I still wasn't exercising. After the birth of my second daughter, things began to slowly spiral downhill in my life. Actually, it seemed that my life was slowly crumbling and crashing down around me. I suffered from postpartum depression, I was starting to have stomach issues and GERD issues again, my husband and I were having marital issues, and I lost my grandmother, which just added to all of the stress that I was already under. Through the course of all of this.....stuff.....I was not feeling or looking healthy at all. I lost quite a bit of weight, probably about 15 pounds, and the worst thing was I could not eat. I had this awful burning, sick feeling in my stomach all the time. I wanted to eat, but I couldn't most days. I had to force food down. I knew I needed nourishment to be healthy. But, I wasn't feeling healthy at all. I began doing a lot of research on Dr. Google and discovered that the medication I was taking, OTC Prilosec this time, was most likely causing more harm than good. I won't go into details here because it's too much information, but basically the Prilosec was not allowing my body to process and break down food like it is supposed to do. Prilosec shuts down the production of stomach acid, but our bodies have stomach acid for a reason, to break down our food and prepare it's nourishment to be sent out to the rest of our body. After reading this, I began researching more natural ways of dealing with GERD so that I could wean off of the Prilosec. My first step in this process was to see a gastroenterologist again. I had a procedure done, along with a biopsy, and discovered that, along with GERD, I also had gastritis, hence the constant burning sensation in my stomach. I was prescribed Nexium, which I did not want to have to take (it acts the same way on the stomach as Prilosec), but I did take it as prescribed for about 3 months (it is meant to be a medicine used on a short-term basis anyway). I started to feel better, almost immediately. I could actually eat and enjoy food again! At this time, I really got serious about finding a regimen of natural products, vitamins and supplements, to take to help heal my body from the damage of GERD and gastritis while I weaned off of the Nexium (I will discuss this in more detail in a future post as it is too much information to include here and really deserves a post of it's own). I am happy to report, one year later from my last doctor's appointment, that I no longer take Prilosec or Nexium. My GERD is under control naturally, and the gastritis is gone. Also, my goal was to put on weight, so I worked with a nutritionist as well (and had a test run to detect food allergies and sensitivities). In the last year I have put on approximately 25 pounds!!! I am honestly shocked! It makes me wonder just what that medication was doing to my body? Was I getting any nutrients from my food at all during those years on Prilosec? I may never know. I am just glad that I am feeling healthier now.
This brings me back to my original topic of exercise. Now that I have gained 25 pounds, I really need to exercise and tone up a bit (My husband is somewhere cringing right now. He hates when I use the term "tone up". He's a power lifter.). At 136 pounds, I am sure my weight is still within the normal healthy range for my height, and I am happy with how I look and feel at the moment. However, there are a few areas that I would like to improve upon so that I can look and feel my best. Plus, I know that exercise is important to a healthy lifestyle, whether you are happy with your weight or not. Weight fluctuations can sometimes be difficult to deal with, too. For me, as I am sure a lot of women can relate, I feel like I have had several rounds of clothes in varying sizes. I just took some clothing items to a consignment store today that I wore last Fall. They are now too small for me. It can get a little frustrating, not to mention expensive, to have to buy an all new wardrobe! This all brings me to this place. This place of wanting to be healthier, live healthier, and incorporate exercise and healthy eating habits into my everyday life. Hence, Workout Wednesdays on the blog. I am trying to decide my course of action. I really want to check out a dance studio near me that offers adult fitness classes, including jazz, hip hop, zumba, barre fit, yoga, etc. For $99 you can get 3 months of unlimited classes, which sounds like a pretty good deal to me! There is a Barre Fit class tomorrow morning and I am thinking of checking it out. It's always hard to go that first time, by yourself, and not know anything about the class or the people that might be in it. But, that is why I am writing about it here, that way I have at least a little bit of accountability! I will check back and let you know how it goes, if I can get up the courage to go! Wish me luck!
Friday, September 6, 2013
Fashion Friday
I have always loved clothes and fashion. Those of you who know me know that I like to dress cute. I really appreciate all of the compliments that I have received on various outfits that I have put together. Clothing and accessories are fun and a great way to display a little bit about yourself. Since I love all things fashion I am going to attempt to have a Fashion Friday theme on my blog each week. I have seen this done on other blogs and it seems fun. What I have seen others do is post photos of themselves wearing outfits that they have put together, and while I might do that sometimes, I really just want to be able to share and talk about anything fashion related on those days. I do not have a photo of myself to share today, but I thought I would share a website that I enjoy and get a lot of fashion inspiration from. I actually don't visit the website often, but I have liked the page on Facebook and so get updates and fashion trends on my Facebook newsfeed each day. The website is called Fashionista Trends. If you like them on Facebook, you won't have to worry about checking the website daily because you will see posts on your newsfeed. I love looking through the outfits that this site puts together, not really for purchasing those exact items, but as inspiration for pieces I might already have in my wardrobe or for ideas to keep in mind when I go shopping. I have mentioned before that I consider myself to be a pretty thrifty shopper. I shop at various places and really try not to spend more than $25-$30 on any one item (I will make an exception for good shoes, of course, although I usually buy cheap ones). My line of thinking is why spend tons of money on a trendy piece that you may or may not wear the following year? My friend introduced me to the shop Plato's Closet. It is a used clothing store. I never used to consider buying used, and I'm still pretty picky about what I will purchase, but for someone who likes to shop as much as me, buying tops for $5, $6, $8 is definitely the way to go! I have bought many items at Plato's Closet that were actually still new with tags, so they were technically never worn anyway! It's a win for me! I also love to shop at the teeny bopper store Forever 21. Yes, I realize I am 30...........something and that I am nowhere near 21, but I can always find some cute pieces in Forever 21. Sometimes you really have to hunt around in there, and I will admit that I can spend hours just looking around! I also love TJ Maxx, Marshalls, and Target. Again, I will admit to mostly shopping in the junior section in these stores, but I like the style and trends that I find there. Plus, the prices are usually always better, too! Maybe I'm too.....*gulp*.......old to shop junior trends, but I figure I have a few more years before I have to worry about it! So, my advice on this Fashion Friday is to check out Fashionista Trends for some inspiration and then go to your favorite stores with some ideas of what to look for! And always have fun! Next week I will discuss some of the hot trends for Fall! Happy shopping, ladies!
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Decisions, Decisions
Hello again, just checking in. This has been a busy week and a little crazy too, what with my oldest being back to school and adjusting to our new routine. So far, waking up early has not been so bad. I've even been sort of enjoying it! I know, GASP! We'll see how I feel several weeks/months in, though, ha! So far, so good, and my daughter seems to be liking school. She's definitely been tired when she comes home, as evidenced by her being a little whiny and overreacting a little bit to things. But, I know that will get better as time goes on and she gets used to the new schedule/routine. All in all, her first week back has been a success, yay!
In other news, my hubby and I recently had a great discussion about our plans for moving. Yes, we are planning to move ASAP. If you know me in real life, you know I have talked about wanting to move for YEARS! You're probably thinking 'would you just move already, geez'. Believe me, if it were that simple, we would have done it long ago. We have lived in our current home, a two level townhouse-style condo for 10 years. We rented it for the first few years and then decided to buy (at the height of the market, unfortunately) when I was pregnant with our first daughter. At the time, nothing that we looked at in our price range was better than the home we were renting, so we decided to approach our landlord to see if we could buy from him. I guess it was the fact that I was pregnant with our first baby and "nesting", but I really wanted to put down roots and have a place that we could really call ours to bring our baby home to. And, who am I kidding, I wanted to decorate her nursery, damn it! We thought that we would own this home for several years and then sell and move on. However, we all know what happened to the housing market after that. Yep, crash! So, we have been stuck here several years longer than we had planned, unfortunately. Now, I can't complain too much because we do live in a very nice community with great amenities. We especially love the pool in the summertime. What we really miss about living here, though, is having some outside space. Especially now that our girls are 4 and 6 (soon to be 7) and love being outdoors so much. We want them to have their own swing set and trees to climb and a place to play and let their imaginations run wild. We do have a community playground here, but I dislike that I have to drop what I am doing to take them outside whenever they want to go. Or, I hate that in order for me to do house cleaning or whatever needs to be done inside they have to be inside, too. Which usually leads to far too much TV watching and giant messes for me to clean up later. So, while I know that having a yard isn't going to solve all of life's problems, I feel it will greatly reduce some of my stress and it will enhance our family's well-being. I just dream about us having a garden and being able to spend time doing things outside together in our own space. So, that brings me back to my discussion with my husband recently. We are definitely planning to buy a new house; however, we are thinking about just selling our condo first and possibly renting for a while. We feel like selling a house is stressful enough, we don't need the added stress of trying to buy a new one at the same time. Plus, getting stuck under our current mortgage has scared us somewhat from rushing into an even bigger one the next time around. We want to be able to take our time and find the right home for us and our family. Even though it will mean moving twice for our girls, I think it will be a smart decision for us in the long run. We are also planning to move to a different area within our same county, so we will more than likely rent in this new area, just so we can get to know it a little bit and test the waters, so to speak. Also, that will also reduce the chances that the girls will have to change schools again. So, that is the plan for now. The next step is to talk to a realtor and have them come to our home and tell us what needs to be done in order to put the home on the market. We know that, even though we have already put in granite countertops and new carpet, there are several other projects that need to be done. Many of our friends who live in units similar to ours were able to sell in about a month's time, so I am hopeful that when we are ready it will sell quickly! Now, our only conundrum will be deciding exactly when we want to do this (probably after the first of the year) and deciding if it would be a good idea or not for my oldest to switch elementary schools in the middle of the year. If not, we would have to wait until May/June to put the house on the market and I am not sure I want to wait that long. Or, it would mean renting in our same neighborhood (but a single family home) so that she could remain at her current school. *sigh* Being a parent is tough sometimes. If any of you have any advice, I would greatly appreciate it! I certainly don't want to scar her for life by making the wrong decision! Although, my husband and I were saying that the benefits of moving to a larger home and having outside space would probably thrill both of our daughters and they probably could care less about the school situation! We shall see! Wish us luck in this new journey!
In other news, my hubby and I recently had a great discussion about our plans for moving. Yes, we are planning to move ASAP. If you know me in real life, you know I have talked about wanting to move for YEARS! You're probably thinking 'would you just move already, geez'. Believe me, if it were that simple, we would have done it long ago. We have lived in our current home, a two level townhouse-style condo for 10 years. We rented it for the first few years and then decided to buy (at the height of the market, unfortunately) when I was pregnant with our first daughter. At the time, nothing that we looked at in our price range was better than the home we were renting, so we decided to approach our landlord to see if we could buy from him. I guess it was the fact that I was pregnant with our first baby and "nesting", but I really wanted to put down roots and have a place that we could really call ours to bring our baby home to. And, who am I kidding, I wanted to decorate her nursery, damn it! We thought that we would own this home for several years and then sell and move on. However, we all know what happened to the housing market after that. Yep, crash! So, we have been stuck here several years longer than we had planned, unfortunately. Now, I can't complain too much because we do live in a very nice community with great amenities. We especially love the pool in the summertime. What we really miss about living here, though, is having some outside space. Especially now that our girls are 4 and 6 (soon to be 7) and love being outdoors so much. We want them to have their own swing set and trees to climb and a place to play and let their imaginations run wild. We do have a community playground here, but I dislike that I have to drop what I am doing to take them outside whenever they want to go. Or, I hate that in order for me to do house cleaning or whatever needs to be done inside they have to be inside, too. Which usually leads to far too much TV watching and giant messes for me to clean up later. So, while I know that having a yard isn't going to solve all of life's problems, I feel it will greatly reduce some of my stress and it will enhance our family's well-being. I just dream about us having a garden and being able to spend time doing things outside together in our own space. So, that brings me back to my discussion with my husband recently. We are definitely planning to buy a new house; however, we are thinking about just selling our condo first and possibly renting for a while. We feel like selling a house is stressful enough, we don't need the added stress of trying to buy a new one at the same time. Plus, getting stuck under our current mortgage has scared us somewhat from rushing into an even bigger one the next time around. We want to be able to take our time and find the right home for us and our family. Even though it will mean moving twice for our girls, I think it will be a smart decision for us in the long run. We are also planning to move to a different area within our same county, so we will more than likely rent in this new area, just so we can get to know it a little bit and test the waters, so to speak. Also, that will also reduce the chances that the girls will have to change schools again. So, that is the plan for now. The next step is to talk to a realtor and have them come to our home and tell us what needs to be done in order to put the home on the market. We know that, even though we have already put in granite countertops and new carpet, there are several other projects that need to be done. Many of our friends who live in units similar to ours were able to sell in about a month's time, so I am hopeful that when we are ready it will sell quickly! Now, our only conundrum will be deciding exactly when we want to do this (probably after the first of the year) and deciding if it would be a good idea or not for my oldest to switch elementary schools in the middle of the year. If not, we would have to wait until May/June to put the house on the market and I am not sure I want to wait that long. Or, it would mean renting in our same neighborhood (but a single family home) so that she could remain at her current school. *sigh* Being a parent is tough sometimes. If any of you have any advice, I would greatly appreciate it! I certainly don't want to scar her for life by making the wrong decision! Although, my husband and I were saying that the benefits of moving to a larger home and having outside space would probably thrill both of our daughters and they probably could care less about the school situation! We shall see! Wish us luck in this new journey!
Monday, September 2, 2013
Back to School!
Tomorrow is the first day back to school here. I will admit that I have been looking forward to it for several weeks now! The long days of summer were beginning to get a little boring. This year my oldest daughter starts first grade, so this will be her first year going to school all day (we have half-day Kindergarten here). I was feeling totally fine with the thought of her being at school all day, that is up until today. I have been freaking out on the inside just a little bit! I know she will be totally fine, but I worry about her a little. She is much more sensitive and introverted than her little sister and I know she won't speak up if she has a question or concern. She is just like me in that way. I know that after a few days of this new routine she will be just fine, but it's hard letting her go to start something new, especially when I can't be there to help her navigate things. *sigh* I know, I know, she'll be fine! Although, I know she must be a little nervous, too, because at 9:50 tonight she came and told me she needed to use the bathroom. I asked her if she was excited about tomorrow and she said "yes" and that she was having trouble falling asleep. :0( Poor thing. I will be glad when tomorrow is over and I see her get off the bus in the afternoon! Until then, I will take lots of deep breaths and try to get a good night of sleep (yeah, right!). I am a night owl most nights, so this new routine will be hard for me, too! Ok, I gotta jet. Wish us luck for a good first day tomorrow!
Friday, August 30, 2013
Coming Full Circle
Ok, I have a confession to make, I am a super fan girl of the pop group New Kids on the Block (NKOTB)! I'm sure you remember them from back in the day. You either loved them or you hated them. Me, I LOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDD them! My room was plastered floor to ceiling with posters of the guys, I wore their t-shirts and buttons to school every.single.day., I pestered my mom until she took me to see them in concert - 3 times, I listened to their music and watched their videos non-stop, I wanted to meet and marry Jordan Knight, and the list could go on, but I'm sure you get the idea! As commonly happens, my infatuation with them waned, they broke up, and I moved on to liking real guys in school, etc. (probably much to my mom's chagrin). I kind of forgot about NKOTB over the years, although to this day I still have all of my memorabilia in a New Kids on the Block trunk in my garage. Yep, I have moved with that thing, probably 4 to 5 times. I just couldn't bring myself to get rid of it and I really didn't know why. That is until recently in March, when the group came on The View and announced a new album and a tour for the summer. I was intrigued. Now, this was not their first come back tour. In 2008 they got together with the group Backstreet Boys, and toured with a new album then as well. Only at that time I was having babies and way caught up in Mommy Land. You ladies know how that goes, right? Well, this time around my girls are a little older and I now have a little time to get back to myself again and have my own interests and hobbies. I know, sounds crazy doesn't it??? Insert NKOTB and their new album and tour announcement that I just could not stop thinking about. I wanted to go to that concert soooooooo bad. I just had to check it out. But, I waited. I waited for months. I tried to see if there was any interest among friends for someone to go with me. Nada. So I waited a little longer and then probably about a month or so before the show in DC I bought a ticket. Yep, I bought one VIP ticket for myself. I could not wait! Then about a week or so before the show date, I happened to see a little video clip of Donnie Wahlberg (who some of you may know from the hit TV series Blue Bloods. He plays Danny Reagan. Yep, he's a New Kid!) announcing that there would be additional tickets for sale for an After Party, to be held at a secret location after the concert. What????? For a small fee I can hang out and party with my teen idols???? I was all over it! I checked the website multiple times a day for a while, and then finally one day I saw that the After Party tickets were for sale for my concert date. I wasted no time and bought one. I was thrilled! I was a little intimidated about going to a concert in DC by myself, but I knew once I got there that there would be tons of other 30-something-year-old women and that I would be just fine. I was right, and I ended up meeting two lovely girls who are sisters that were sitting right next to me. They were also going to the After Party, so it was perfect. We hung out together the entire night. The concert was so awesome! I must say that I was impressed that these men, now in their 40s, could still put on a kick-ass show! Boys II Men and 98 Degrees opened the show, and NKOTB blew them out of the water! If you were ever a fan I would strongly recommend checking out one of their shows on the next tour, because according to them, they will be back! I am planning to go to more shows in the future myself! Then of course, after the show I was able to meet a couple of the guys from the group and have my photo taken with them. I have to say it was a surreal experience to be standing there in front of this person whose poster you used to practice kissing in your bedroom at 12-years-old (oh come on, you know we've all done it!). It was such an amazing and fun night and I am so glad that I made the decision to go see the show! Since then I have been back to listening to NKOTB. Not their old stuff, though, their newest album, 10, and the album they put out in 2008, The Block. Really great dance beats to get you moving. If you don't believe me, listen to this song and tell me it's not groove-worthy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C87znFYDn4s. It sounds great blasting on the speakers in my car!
With this little come back of sorts, I have been thinking a lot about why NKOTB was so important to me back in the day. I moved during the summer between 6th and 7th grade. Yep, right in the throes of middle school. To top it off, my mom didn't tell me we were moving until 2 weeks before the move happened. I was devastated. My parents had recently divorced, but I had always lived in our house my entire life. I did not want to move. But, now that I am older I can totally see it from my mom's perspective. She had found a better job, in a new place without all of the memories attached. She needed to go. So, we did. I hated everything about the town that we moved to. I hated the people, the school, the neighborhood, everything. The only positive thing I had in my life was NKOTB. They kept me connected to my best friend, also a huge fan, back in my home town. They gave me a safe place to be when I was sad, mad, hurt, depressed. I am not the only fan to have a similar story. I have read multiple accounts from fans stating that NKOTB helped them through some dark and tough times. I guess that's why I have never been able to get rid of all my old memorabilia that is collecting dust in my garage as I type. They were my lifeline throughout one of the toughest times in my life. I recently found my old diary that I received as a gift one Christmas from my dad when I was 12-years-old. I wrote in this diary off and on from the age of 12 until I was 16 when I met the boy who is now my husband. Let me tell you, it is very interesting to go back and read! Of course when I was 12, 13, and 14, almost all I wrote about was NKOTB and how much I loved them, but I also wrote about how difficult it was to move, to have to find all new friends, and to fit in. As popular as NKOTB were with many prepubescent and teen girls worldwide, there were just as many girls and boys who didn't like them, and I was picked on pretty badly sometimes since I wore their t-shirts and buttons to school. But you know what, I didn't care. I wore them anyway. Of course, I eventually made friends and adjusted to my new home just fine. But, it was nice to have something positive to lean on during that time when I felt totally alone.
Now, you may be thinking, what is the point of all this? Why is this chick writing a blog post about New Kids on the Block? Hello, you're 36-years-old and aren't they washed up? Ummmm, no. But, here's the point. I think it's cool when an individual can come full circle with something in their life, which is what I have done. It's important to go back to the things you once loved, the things or people that helped you through that tough time. You might be surprised about what you learn about yourself. Another thing I have taken away from this would be thinking about my own daughters as they grow up. They are not at the pre-teen age yet, but I know it's coming. I am sure that they will attach themselves to something, whether it be a band or sport or dance or music, etc. and when they do I hope that from my own experience I will be able to understand that whatever the "thing" is, it truly is important to them. No matter how silly I think it may be, I will not belittle it. I will respect that it might just be something they need at that point in their lives. And, hey, if it is a silly boy band, I will be right there with them waiting in line to order concert tickets (Oh wait, am I showing my age? I guess you can just do all of that online now). My point is, I will be supportive of them, their interests, and understand to the best of my ability any issues that they may go through.
Thanks for reading my ramblings. I told you I would write about quite a variety of things on this blog! Until next time!
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With this little come back of sorts, I have been thinking a lot about why NKOTB was so important to me back in the day. I moved during the summer between 6th and 7th grade. Yep, right in the throes of middle school. To top it off, my mom didn't tell me we were moving until 2 weeks before the move happened. I was devastated. My parents had recently divorced, but I had always lived in our house my entire life. I did not want to move. But, now that I am older I can totally see it from my mom's perspective. She had found a better job, in a new place without all of the memories attached. She needed to go. So, we did. I hated everything about the town that we moved to. I hated the people, the school, the neighborhood, everything. The only positive thing I had in my life was NKOTB. They kept me connected to my best friend, also a huge fan, back in my home town. They gave me a safe place to be when I was sad, mad, hurt, depressed. I am not the only fan to have a similar story. I have read multiple accounts from fans stating that NKOTB helped them through some dark and tough times. I guess that's why I have never been able to get rid of all my old memorabilia that is collecting dust in my garage as I type. They were my lifeline throughout one of the toughest times in my life. I recently found my old diary that I received as a gift one Christmas from my dad when I was 12-years-old. I wrote in this diary off and on from the age of 12 until I was 16 when I met the boy who is now my husband. Let me tell you, it is very interesting to go back and read! Of course when I was 12, 13, and 14, almost all I wrote about was NKOTB and how much I loved them, but I also wrote about how difficult it was to move, to have to find all new friends, and to fit in. As popular as NKOTB were with many prepubescent and teen girls worldwide, there were just as many girls and boys who didn't like them, and I was picked on pretty badly sometimes since I wore their t-shirts and buttons to school. But you know what, I didn't care. I wore them anyway. Of course, I eventually made friends and adjusted to my new home just fine. But, it was nice to have something positive to lean on during that time when I felt totally alone.
Now, you may be thinking, what is the point of all this? Why is this chick writing a blog post about New Kids on the Block? Hello, you're 36-years-old and aren't they washed up? Ummmm, no. But, here's the point. I think it's cool when an individual can come full circle with something in their life, which is what I have done. It's important to go back to the things you once loved, the things or people that helped you through that tough time. You might be surprised about what you learn about yourself. Another thing I have taken away from this would be thinking about my own daughters as they grow up. They are not at the pre-teen age yet, but I know it's coming. I am sure that they will attach themselves to something, whether it be a band or sport or dance or music, etc. and when they do I hope that from my own experience I will be able to understand that whatever the "thing" is, it truly is important to them. No matter how silly I think it may be, I will not belittle it. I will respect that it might just be something they need at that point in their lives. And, hey, if it is a silly boy band, I will be right there with them waiting in line to order concert tickets (Oh wait, am I showing my age? I guess you can just do all of that online now). My point is, I will be supportive of them, their interests, and understand to the best of my ability any issues that they may go through.
Thanks for reading my ramblings. I told you I would write about quite a variety of things on this blog! Until next time!
NKOTB back in the day
NKOTB all grown up
Here I am in 8th grade! Awesome stonewashed jeans, big hair, and all!
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Meeting my teen idols!
Here is their latest video, too! It will show you how awesome they are in concert!
Thursday, August 29, 2013
I'm Back!
Hello everyone!
I have found my way back to the blogging world! I started a blog here a while back, although then it was titled "Journey to a Better Me". At the time, I was going through a hard time in my life, probably one of the toughest times I have ever been through, and I was searching for well....a better me. I stopped writing that blog because I felt that I was sharing just a little too much of my personal "stuff". It was starting to complicate things rather than help, so I stopped writing all together. However, I did not stop searching for and working towards a better me. Since then, things in my life have greatly improved. I started seeing a therapist and really working on myself. Let me tell you, it has been the best decision I have ever made, the best gift I could ever have given myself. As someone who previously worked as a mental health therapist and touted the benefits of therapy to others, it was only right for me to take my own advice and do the work I needed to do to become the best version of myself. I do still see my therapist from time to time, for maintenance so to speak. I love having that time that is just devoted to myself.
If you are new here, I will tell you a little about myself. My name is Brie, I am a wife, mother to two daughters, and a photographer. I love fashion and admittedly have a little bit of a clothing and accessory shopping addiction, oops! But, I consider myself to be a pretty thrifty shopper and never spend more than $20-$25 on any one clothing item. I love to write, which is why I decided to start blogging again. I feel like writing is the easiest and most effective way for me to communicate. It just comes naturally to me. Photography is yet another love of mine. I used to have another blog, before the days of Facebook, where I shared photos of myself, my husband, and then our daughters after they were born. Once Facebook became all the rage, I continued that blog pretty much only for my grandmother, who was not on Facebook, so that she could keep in touch with us and see photos of my girls. My grandmother bought me a fancy new camera, my first DSLR, so that I could learn more and enhance my photography skills. Soon after that, she passed away, and I stopped keeping that blog up to date. I realized that I was pretty much only posting there for her. So, I haven't been writing or blogging for a couple of years now, but I have stuck with photography and started my little fledgling business, Indelible Moments Photography, one year ago, on September 1, 2012. It's still pretty small and very, very part time, but I love it and it has been so much fun! Many moons ago I worked as a mental health therapist, but never felt like that was really who I was supposed to be or what I was meant to do. But, being a photographer just feels...right. So, this is who and where I am at this moment in my life. And it feels really good.
I hope to write pretty often, as much as my busy schedule this school year will allow. I plan to write about my journey in this little life of mine. I hope to include topics such as fashion and beauty tips, health and wellness, life lessons, parenting and whatever strikes my fancy at the moment. Hopefully some of you out there will read it, but if you don't, that's ok. I'm writing this for me. Until next time, enjoy!
Brie
I have found my way back to the blogging world! I started a blog here a while back, although then it was titled "Journey to a Better Me". At the time, I was going through a hard time in my life, probably one of the toughest times I have ever been through, and I was searching for well....a better me. I stopped writing that blog because I felt that I was sharing just a little too much of my personal "stuff". It was starting to complicate things rather than help, so I stopped writing all together. However, I did not stop searching for and working towards a better me. Since then, things in my life have greatly improved. I started seeing a therapist and really working on myself. Let me tell you, it has been the best decision I have ever made, the best gift I could ever have given myself. As someone who previously worked as a mental health therapist and touted the benefits of therapy to others, it was only right for me to take my own advice and do the work I needed to do to become the best version of myself. I do still see my therapist from time to time, for maintenance so to speak. I love having that time that is just devoted to myself.
If you are new here, I will tell you a little about myself. My name is Brie, I am a wife, mother to two daughters, and a photographer. I love fashion and admittedly have a little bit of a clothing and accessory shopping addiction, oops! But, I consider myself to be a pretty thrifty shopper and never spend more than $20-$25 on any one clothing item. I love to write, which is why I decided to start blogging again. I feel like writing is the easiest and most effective way for me to communicate. It just comes naturally to me. Photography is yet another love of mine. I used to have another blog, before the days of Facebook, where I shared photos of myself, my husband, and then our daughters after they were born. Once Facebook became all the rage, I continued that blog pretty much only for my grandmother, who was not on Facebook, so that she could keep in touch with us and see photos of my girls. My grandmother bought me a fancy new camera, my first DSLR, so that I could learn more and enhance my photography skills. Soon after that, she passed away, and I stopped keeping that blog up to date. I realized that I was pretty much only posting there for her. So, I haven't been writing or blogging for a couple of years now, but I have stuck with photography and started my little fledgling business, Indelible Moments Photography, one year ago, on September 1, 2012. It's still pretty small and very, very part time, but I love it and it has been so much fun! Many moons ago I worked as a mental health therapist, but never felt like that was really who I was supposed to be or what I was meant to do. But, being a photographer just feels...right. So, this is who and where I am at this moment in my life. And it feels really good.
I hope to write pretty often, as much as my busy schedule this school year will allow. I plan to write about my journey in this little life of mine. I hope to include topics such as fashion and beauty tips, health and wellness, life lessons, parenting and whatever strikes my fancy at the moment. Hopefully some of you out there will read it, but if you don't, that's ok. I'm writing this for me. Until next time, enjoy!
Brie
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