My Outlet

So, I just wanted to check in because I know my last entry sounded a little dire.  I have had a lot of friends ask me if I am ok after reading it.  Yes, I am fine!  I'm still mad and frustrated, but I will get over it eventually.  One thing that people may not know about me is that writing is my outlet.  Some people shop too much (which I can be guilty of, too!), or drink too much, or eat too much, or take their feelings out on others or on themselves.  Me, I write about my feelings.  I have ever since my dad gave me a little blue diary with a combination lock on it when I was about 12-years-old.  I still have that diary, too!  I wrote in it from age 12 to 16!  Lots happened in my life in those 4 year!  Yet, I digress.  My point is, when I have strong feelings about something, I tend to need to write about it.  I have to give my feelings a voice, so to speak.  Most of the time, once I can get my thoughts and emotions on paper, I can then move past them.  That was the point of my last post, really.  Just to dump all of those icky feelings somewhere so that I wouldn't have to walk around feeling them anymore and begin the process of moving forward.  So, as I said before, I am fine.  I am enjoying my family, preparing for Christmas, and just enjoying my life where I am at the moment. 

Fake it 'til you make it...

Yes, I know I have not written here in a while.  Partly because I have been super busy with my little photography business, partly because I was wrapped up in what was apparently a fantasy (looking to buy a new house), and partly because I just haven't been in a good place.  I really don't want to come here and whine and complain.  I really don't want to spout off all of the reasons why I am mad at the world.  I really don't want to feel the way I have been feeling.  Yet, here I am, feeling angry, sad, and in a dark place.  I'm trying really hard to "fake it 'til I make it", but it's hard.  I don't want to seem ungrateful, I don't.  But, truth be told, I probably am.  I know I have it good.  I have what should be a happy little life.  But, I'm not happy.  I'm just not.  I'm trying very hard to be.  And I will keep trying.  That's all I got.