I Am Mine

I know this is supposed to be a Workout Wednesday post, but I was lazy and didn't work out today.  In fact, I haven't worked out in a week, oops!  Life seems crazy busy between getting the girls off to school, to and from their activities, preparing meals, helping with homework, volunteering in classrooms, running a small side business,  etc., etc.  It is difficult to find the time, not to mention the energy, for working out!  I know, I know, that's not really an excuse, and I know I need to be better about making the time for my workouts.  I will, I promise.  Just as soon as I can figure out how to manage my time a bit better!

I actually wanted to stop in and write about something else this evening, though.  Have you ever felt like you have to apologize for something you believe in, for something that you love, or for simply being you?  I am wondering if this is something that women alone battle with, or if men feel it too, or maybe it's just me?  Surely I can't be the only one.  I think feeling this way, feeling that it's not ok to be who I am, comes from a lack of confidence in myself.  I definitely felt this way within my family.  I felt like my thoughts and feelings were invalid, annoying, troublesome to others, and basically just not ok.  So, of course, I learned not to share these thoughts and feelings and I learned to feel like how I felt, who I was, was not ok.  This feeling has stayed with me, even into adulthood.  Although it has lessened a great deal, the feeling of being not ok definitely creeps in from time to time.  If I am honest, it usually occurs when I get into an argument with someone in my family.  When I become angry or upset about something and I voice my concerns, they are usually met with anger, frustration, and what feels like a lack of understanding for my stance on the issue.  I guess all of this is very normal when conflict arises between people, but maybe feeling like you need to apologize for your feelings is not?  I really don't know.  That's why I am writing about this, to see if I am alone in feeling this way or if others have also experienced these feelings. 

I know I have written about my experience with seeing a therapist and this process has definitely helped me become a more confident person.  Along with this confidence, I am learning to embrace who I am and to be ok with that.  I no longer feel the need to apologize for my thoughts, my feelings, or for being who I am.  Of course, this doesn't mean that I won't take responsibility for when I do something wrong or hurt someone's feelings, but I won't apologize for being me. 

I can sometimes be lazy.

I often procrastinate.

I am sensitive and sometimes my feelings get easily hurt.

I am a recovering perfectionist.

I am spiritual, but not religious and not sure I believe in God.

I do have a temper if pushed too far.

I have high expectations for myself and for others.

I hold grudges for far too long.

I sometimes have a hard time expressing love and gratitude.

I often focus on the negative and have difficulty seeing the positive.

These are all parts of myself that I no longer wish to apologize for.  Other people in my life have their idiosyncrasies and I don't see them feeling bad about it.  To the contrary, it feels as though I am expected to change something about myself in order to better conform to their idiosyncrasies.  Well, I am here to say NO MORE!  I will no longer bend to this feeling, this feeling of not being enough just the way I am.  If someone in my life has an issue with that, that is on you.  This is me, the true and real me.  I can't be the person that you think or wish I would be.  I can only be me and I think that is more than enough.